Last time Donald Trump visited Austin, he was here for only two hours for a briefing in the wake of Hurricane Harvey. Austin is known for its great restaurants, so it’s a shame the President didn’t have time for even a quick bite.
Which got us thinking – where would Trump go if he visited for longer? Which is to say, where would he nourish himself in between rounds of golf at Boot Ranch?
The 45th President likes simple, American fare. When he’s not near a Trump Grill, he’s as likely to eat a Big Mac as he is to dine at a Michelin starred restaurant. If he visits Austin, we bet he’d grab his favorite grub at these places:
There are obviously endless options for barbecue in Austin. But let’s be real, Trump would never wait in line for Franklin’s, and we can’t picture him sitting at a picnic table at Salt Lick. We’d put our money instead on Lambert’s, which asks of itself: “Fancy barbecue?” In our opinion, there’s no question about it – Lambert’s is as upscale as barbecue gets around here.
Trump would appreciate the professional service, the cloth napkins, and the cool atmosphere with low lighting. He wouldn’t stand out from the clientele, especially the lunch business crowd. We have no doubt this is where Trump, who is reputedly a fan of all things pork, would get his fix. He’d most likely opt for the Niman Ranch Pork Chop, which unlike the ribs, he’d be able to eat with a fork and knife. Trump also loves fried mac and cheese, and although Lambert’s Mac & 3 Cheeses is baked and not fried, it is decadent and delicious.
Trump visited Raising Cane’s at its birthplace of Baton Rouge Louisiana, but his love of fried chicken means he’d probably make a pit stop here in Austin as well. Cane’s signature chicken fingers are easier to eat with a fork and knife than the bone-in pieces at KFC, plus the Cane’s sauce bears a resemblance to the Old Thousand dressing Trump has been known to dip into. He’d 100% get a Diet Coke and crinkle fries – with lots of ketchup – to accompany his meal.
Rumor has it Trump once sent fries back at an upscale restaurant four times claiming they weren’t good enough. The chef finally gave up and served a package of frozen Ore-Ida fries, which Trump said were perfect. If that’s true, Cane’s fries will definitely pass the Trump test.
Jeffrey’s is hailed in Austin as a sophisticated fine-dining throwback, a rarity among the myriad more casual and hip joints in the city. Trump is sure to appreciate the leather-bound menus and swanky ambiance.
He’d order the burger – which resident Austin food critic Matt Odam has hailed the “Rolls Royce of Burgers.” Priced at $24, it’s not quite as steep as the $36 burger Trump orders at his favorite restaurant in New York City, 21 Club, but would likely be to Trump’s liking. He’d make a couple adjustments, however, probably leaving off the horseradish, exchanging the cambozola cheese for American and (eliciting outrage from the kitchen), order it well done with extra ketchup on the side. He’d probably wash that crime against chefs and cows everywhere down with an iced tea.
Four Seasons / Trio
Trump prefers to skip breakfast entirely, but when he does breakfast in the morning, he likes bacon and eggs. For an unavoidable morning meal, Trump would head to Trio at the Four Seasons where he’d order the American Breakfast: Two Eggs, Toast, Fingerling Potatoes, Choice of Meat, Juice, Coffee or Tea. He’d request the eggs “over-well,” bacon (“medium”) for his meat and instead of juice or coffee, he’d order a Diet Coke, because it’s never too early for a Diet Coke. If he’s feeling especially wild, he may also order a virgin bloody mary.
Eddie V’s Prime Seafood
Trump loves steak. He loves well-done steak. He’s also, apparently, a surf n turf kind of guy. In an attempt to consume lighter fare, Trump sometimes orders seafood, mainly crab and shrimp. And for the first course of his swearing-in ceremony, the menu consisted of Maine lobster and Gulf shrimp in a saffron sauce.
So, although Austin has bountiful options for delicious steaks (not that he’d be able to taste one well done), Trump would most likely go to Eddie V’s Prime Seafood for his. He’d order the 8 oz filet mignon and broiled cold water lobster tail with drawn butter and lemon for $84.
Plus, judging by his recent beef (sorry) with the NFL, Vince Young Steakhouse is definitely off the table.
Matt’s El Rancho
Although Austin is heaven for taco-lovers, Trump would most likely skip Torchy’s and Tacodeli even though he’s a big fan of fast food chains. Trump prefers his Tex-Mex in salad form, as evidenced by a now-iconic tweet of him celebrating #CincodeMayo by eating a taco salad from Trump Grill and claiming to “love Hispanics!”
Although Fonda San Miguel may be more his style – the crowded, wacky decor is in line with that of 21 Club – they don’t have taco salads. He’d instead go to Matt’s El Rancho, an Austin institution, where the decor is also nice and where he may even be inspired by the Martinez story on the menu (if someone reads it out loud for him) and declare them to be some of the Mexicans that he “assume[s] are good people.”
Second Bar + Kitchen
Besides burgers, fried chicken, and Diet Coke, the last of the four main Trump food groups according to a former Trump campaign manager is pizza. He’s very particular about his pizza, however: he only eats it with the aid of a fork and knife, with which he scrapes the top off to leave the dough.
Second Bar and Kitchen would be the perfect place for the picky pizza eater to enjoy one of his favorite foods. With its pristine space and solo businessmen drinking martinis, he would not be out of place cutting up his pizza here. He’d order the Pizza Bianco (the white pizza) and add prosciutto. Plus a Diet Coke.
Trump can’t go long without fast food burgers. He’s a self-proclaimed germophobe and believes fast food chains provide consistent cleanliness. He’s quoted as saying “I think you’re better off going there than someplace you have no idea where the food is coming from. It’s a certain standard.” Go figure.
Trump has had the opportunity of visiting Whataburger and clearly wasn’t interested. Although the President might like P. Terry’s, he definitely wouldn’t be patient enough to wait for his food. And, although Trump does what he wants no matter the possible PR scandals, his son’s potential theft of lemonade from In-N-Out may be enough to keep him away from this chain and opt for his favorite: McDonald’s.
He’d stop by the one on Barton Springs Rd and order his typical meal at Mickey D’s: two Big Macs, two Filet-O-Fish, and a chocolate malted. This 2,400-calorie meal would power at least nine holes of golf.
photo credit: The Driskill Facebook Page
Last but not least, Trump can’t leave Austin without satisfying his sweet tooth. His favorites are vanilla ice cream (always 2 scoops!) and chocolate cake. He almost waxed poetic on the chocolate cake he had at Palm Beach with Chinese President Xi Jinping: “We had the most beautiful piece of chocolate cake that you’ve ever seen.” So much so, he misremembered which country he’d just attacked.
Here in town, he’d head to The Driskill for dessert. Trump would feel right at home at this historic Austin dining room frequented by septuagenarians and visitors from out of town. He’d order the 1886 Chocolate Cake, made from the Heritage Society of Austin’s original recipe.
A Filling Visit to Austin
As evidenced by his favorite foods and eating habits, Trump doesn’t exactly eat the healthiest. in Austin, with its extensive eatery options, he’d have no trouble sticking to his limited diet (seriously, how does he go without vegetables?)
Although, Trump definitely beats us Austinites on one health front. The President does not drink, so he wouldn’t have to worry about a hangover from a night out on Dirty 6th St or West 6th St Happy Hour Drinks.